Beginner Guide to Dominance (dom,D) and Submission (sub,s)

Why do people prefer BDSM?

Are you bored on your current sex life?

Do you want to bring your sexual experience to a whole new level?

Then, BDSM – Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submissive (D/s), Sadism/Masochism(SM) is here for you!


Ever since the Fifty Shades film series was released, BDSM especially D/s has been brought to the mainstream.

The term D/s is sometimes interchangeably with SM.

Generally, D/s is more about power play in which one person dominates over the other person.

SM focus more on physical sensation, a person gains sexual pleasure by inflicting or receiving pain.

If you are into D/s relationship, you probably include it in other aspect of your life too other than your sex life.

This may include dom is taking more financial responsibility, the sub has to obey to the dom instruction, etc.

You can be a dominant, a submissive or a switch (sometimes dom and sometimes sub) in D/s relationship.

And, you can choose to stick to the same roles each time or take different roles on different occasions.

What are involved in D/s?

Communication and consensual are key ingredients when it comes to sex especially D/s relationship.

Talk openly to your partner first to check if he or she is into it before practising it.

If your partner shows interest in it, then you can introduce and negotiate  how to role play the D/s relationship, the sexual preference early on.

It is always important to develop trust and establish a safe word when you are in this relationship.

Safe word is to ensure that the dom knows when to stop when the sub mentions the predefined word.

Any word can be safe word.

You don’t have to wrack your brain in thinking an unique word for it.

Don’t in D/s

Healthy D/s relationship is about protocol, respect, but not ABUSIVE!

Over pressuring your partner to behave in a way that they don’t feel comfortable is not the way to play the game.

Dom has to display understanding, effort, and responsibility in guiding and taking care of the sub when the sub is exposed to vulnerability.

When your sub does something that displeases you, you may punish or restrict them later, but you give what is needed at that moment.

Do in D/s

Both partners can create a list of sexual practices or fantasies or image.

Then, write down ‘yes’, ‘no’, or ‘maybe’ if it is something that interests you and discuss with your partner how it can be incorporated into your D/s relationship.

Do only those activities both partners agree on.

Toys that help you get started

You can simply start out using a scarf to blindfold your sub or your hand (dom) to spank the sub.

Or, just use tie or handcuff to restrict the sub hands or tie the sub to the bed posts.

If the dom would like to maintain the sub in a particular sex position, then bed restraint would be a good choice.

When the sub is restricted, it makes the sub so vulnerable at the same time excited.

The dom can direct the sub by using collar & lead, to tell the sub what to do.

Or, invest in sex toy making the dom feels that they have more control over the sub.

In addition to sex toys, role play can be an option.

Both partners can act out particular power-based role-plays such as teacher and student, cop and robber, or pirate and captive or just wearing sexy racy lingerie underneath.

For other types of toy used in BDSM, you may explore it here.


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